Hey there, hope you are having a great Monday…
I’m kinda late to this post but I came across it somehow last night through Twitter and couldn’t stop thinking about it. Barely got any sleep actually.
I immigrated to Canada from Korea when I was 15 and I JUST haven’t been able to pinpoint all these feelings of guilt, shame, never-good-enough, isolation and sadness. I think most of female immigrants would agree and fume over at being categorized as a insatiable, overly ambitious, emasculating bulldog (quote unquote) in one group of people and victimized and paralyzed as a meek quiet worker-bee who is not able to speak up and take charge in one another.
Funnily enough, I’m still struggling under certain cultural influences in my 30s, as I most certainly feel the need to conform (somewhat, at least around me) and think about family, kids, settling down and assuming the house-caretaker role. What really gets me down is not the thoughtless comments and actions of some dickheads but rather my friends, or fellow female immigrants who frown upon others who want to pursue their dreams.
I guess I and my close friends are evidently more deeply ingrained in Asian culture given how late we came to North America and as a result, we tend to be more expected to follow, and act according to the unspoken rules in my opinion…while your post really helped figuring out the root cause of my emotional and professional baggage, I cannot help but wonder why/how there aren’t too many open platforms and women sharing these specific struggles so that we (I for example) actually come forward and openly discuss about it.
It was mentioned in the original twitter thread by someone, but I can’t emphasize enough how much and deeply our parents depend on us, female asian immigrants, for financial and emotional support. And I don’t mean to complain or brag about it, but I don’t think people realize the magnitude of those dependencies and how exhausting it can get at times. Especially emotional support rather than financial. With all these unexplained feelings of shame, guilt, confusion, coupled with all these social expectations, peer pressure, discrimination we face everyday, it can get pretty difficult for us to continue to march on and “lean in” both in our professional and personal lives.
Well, I guess we don’t have much choice but look ahead with undying faith and optimism (even this, I have had trouble making peace with who I am but now realize I’m at no fault for taking things seriously and the unbearable lightness of being just doesn’t cut it for me) and maybe find some others who share all these background, baggage, sentiments and struggles and whatnot; who can support you & keep you levelheaded at times of extreme stress. I’m glad I came across your article and hopefully I’ll see more of these conversation in open discussions, articles, groups. Thanks for sharing.
